Beautiful Heartbreak

I have never been one to be very personal on my blog and I don't tell many people what I struggle with or different things that are going on with my family that are struggles, but I felt differently after Relief Society yesterday.

I guess I should start with the blessings that I know I have received. Heavenly Father has given Neil and I so many tender mercies in our lives in so many different areas and in so many different ways. We have amazing family and friends that support us and help us. We now have little Preston who is a light in our lives, and most importantly we have the gospel. This has helped us through the thickest and hardest things we have gone through. I don't think that I have the hardest trials in my life and after I have gone through them I often look back and think that I have such an easy life, but when we are in the middle of our trials they aren't easy and we struggle. Struggling is okay though and helps us become more beautiful.

Recently I has another miscarriage. Neil and I felt like we were supposed to try to have another child and when I am told something I try to do what I can. We weren't too far along, only about 10 weeks, but it wasn't easy. Pregnancy has never been easy for me. I am terribly sick for a long time and it just takes a toll on our family and kind of throws our normal life out the window, but the end result is such a miracle. When I thought I miscarried I called and made an appointment with a doctor and we were able to go in and see what was going on. This wasn't my first, which made is easier to go through. This was my third and so Neil and I have gotten much better at understanding that there is a time to cry and then we turn even more to our Heavenly Father who helps us move on. Having Preston here to distract me and bring me back to normal life was very helpful and a beautiful reminder that Heavenly Father has a plan for our family. I am grateful for that and I know that Heavenly Father loves me and my family so much and wants us to be happy. I believe that the struggles we have gone through to have children have made us more understanding and hopefully more beautiful people.

A sister showed us this video yesterday in Relief Society and I wanted to share it with everyone I possibly could. It made me cry and I felt somewhat understood.

I haven't been the only one to struggle this year in my family. I have had lots of family members who have gone through so many health struggles that has been hard on us and made us grow closer to Heavenly Father. My brother Ryan was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis. He has his whole colon removed and now has an ostomy bag. He was planning on going on a mission and had his papers in when all this happened so suddenly. He has spent way too much time this year and last year in the hospital and has become so much a better person for what he is going through. He is such an inspiration to me and so much of my family. While his trial seems to be the bigger one, others have struggled too and have helped me understand how I can be better everyday.